I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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