Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
