im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
