the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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