once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
