Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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