I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
