her vagine was all disorganized.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
