I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize