I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
