My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize