ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
