There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize