How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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