I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
