Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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