dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm passing your future prison.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
