Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
