One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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