i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize