Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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