Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
