Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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