You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
