and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
