i just sent this text using only my big toe
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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