Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
