not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
