I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
