Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
