I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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