how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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