Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
