i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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