I wish my penis had an off switch
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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