the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
