Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
