Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
