You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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