I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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