Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
