thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
