I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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