So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
