i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
