i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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