Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
