then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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