I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
