those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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