I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize