I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
