im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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