I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
