Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
