i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
