I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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