Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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