They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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