glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Welp...herpes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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