Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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