Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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