I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
