I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I supernannyed him into submission
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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